Why It Can Be Difficult Becoming an Adult with Late-Diagnosed ADHD

When I was a child, I couldn’t wait to grow up. I thought I’d enter adulthood as a fully realized person who had themself together. I envisioned a strong and self-assured woman. Life didn’t quite go as planned.

I was diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) during my sophomore year of high school. This diagnosis completely shifted the context of my life, including my future. On top of growing up, I had to learn how to work with my condition. That’s still something I haven’t quite figured out.

I remember the feeling I had spending my first night in my dorm room. My roommate was down the hall, chatting with our neighbors. I sat on my bed, staring at different corners of the room. I felt like an impostor being there, and I didn’t know how I’d make it through my freshman year. I worried that I’d make a mess and upset my roommate, I wondered if I’d be frequently late to class, and I was terrified at the possibility of failing.

Cut to now—I’m about to be a junior—and I’m sitting at my desk at my apartment. Rent is due in less than a week, and now I worry about how I’ll make it through my bills, I wonder if I’m eating out too much (I am), and I’m still terrified at the possibility of failing.

What is executive dysfunction?

Executive function is a set of cognitive skills including but not limited to planning, emotion regulation, switching or maintaining tasks and decision-making. According to ADDitude Mag, “Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe faults or weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently and makes decisions…Children and adults with executive dysfunction often struggle to organize materials, regulate emotions, set schedules and stick with tasks.”  Executive dysfunction is linked to ADHD and tied to many of its symptoms.

Executive dysfunction is what I struggle with most when it comes to managing adulthood. For me, it feels like there’s a constantly moving goalpost for every task. For example, cooking dinner isn’t just one task for me. It’s all the minor tasks within it, from peeling an onion to reaching for the spices. On a particularly stressful day, I would agonize over every single step to the point of near meltdown. These moments often make me question my status as an adult.

How anxiety and depression can overlap

Along with ADHD, I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and major depressive disorder. These are common co-occurring conditions. According to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry,  “Adult ADHD is associated with a 5-fold increased risk for anxiety disorders, a 4.5-fold increased risk for major depression, an 8.7-fold increased risk for bipolar disorder and a 4.6-fold increased risk for substance use disorders.”

In my experience, ADHD and depression often go hand in hand. My depressive episodes are often exacerbated by my ADHD traits, making it harder to take care of myself. It becomes a negative feedback loop. Being met with failure due to ADHD symptoms would often launch me into an anxiety attack, which would then often cause a depressive episode. I often find myself so deep in this cycle that it feels almost impossible to get out. What makes this even scarier is knowing that the world won’t slow down for you once you reach adulthood. 

Asking for accommodations

It may feel daunting to ask for accommodations at work or school. There’s still a stigma around ADHD and other neurodevelopmental disorders, so admitting you’re neurodiverse can feel stressful and uncertain. I tend to shy away from disclosing my conditions, even if I need extra support. But asking for and utilizing accommodations has been a lifesaver on many occasions. In my experience, it helps to save me from burnout and overall improves my quality of life.

Reasonable accommodations are also protected under U.S. law. The American Psychiatric Association states, “ADHD is a protected disability under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).” The U.S Department of Labor website states, “These modifications enable an individual with a disability to have an equal opportunity not only to get a job, but successfully perform their job tasks to the same extent as people without disabilities.” Performing your job like others is also protected — which is important to emphasize — as it destigmatizes the need for accommodations. Destigmatization is crucial in making people feel comfortable asking for help.

The U.S. Department of Labor’s Office of Disability Employment also runs the Job Accommodation Network (JAN). According to the JAN website, “The Job Accommodation Network (JAN) is the leading source of free, expert and confidential guidance on job accommodations and disability employment issues.”

Here are a few workplace accommodations that the Job Accommodation Network suggests can be helpful for people with ADHD:

• Provide structured breaks as a physical outlet
• Adjust method of supervision
• Provide private/quiet workspace
• Minimizing marginal functions to allow focus on essential job duties
• Assistance with prioritization

It’s scary to enter adulthood feeling unequipped, especially when you have a condition that affects daily function. It can feel very isolating at times. Despite this, it’s a common sentiment that nobody has it all figured out. I think that’s an important thing to keep in mind, as I leave college and join the workforce. I know there are some things I’ll learn with time, and there are some things I’ll never quite figure out. That’s okay; that’s part of life. Sometimes, it’s a nice reminder to know everyone is here to figure it out together.