Seeing the World in a Different Way

Tate, our amazing, wonderful, happy, and challenging kid, has Asperger’s disorder. But even getting to that diagnosis was a long and difficult journey.

First diagnosis was albinism

I thought that we had been through the worst of it when Tate was born with albinism. Albinism (the lack of pigment) is incredibly rare—happening in only one in 17,000 births. While he has white hair and very fair skin, the way in which albinism affects him most is in his vision. We took the albinism in stride, feeling fortunate to have the University of Minnesota’s International Albinism Center close. And because Tate was such a happy-go-lucky, easygoing kid, often it didn’t pose much of a problem.

Tate seemed different than other kids

I went to ECFE (early-childhood family education) with him starting at 6 weeks and I was able to see what other kids were doing. All along, Tate was different. He was interested in things that didn’t interest other children. He had a tremendous attention span and, by 7 months, seemed to be figuring out the way toys worked. At 9 months, he would sit crossed-legged paging through stacks of books. He started speaking by age 1. At 15 months, he knew his alphabet and numbers. He knew all of his shapes and colors, and his phone number, at 18 months. He was incredible and so different from every other kid.

I thought we had a genius, partly because that’s what everyone told us. But I had a bad gut feeling early on. Some things just didn’t add up. He didn’t seem to notice the other kids. By age 2, he could count to 1,000, but when he was hurt, he would cry but not be able to tell me where or why it hurt. Tate learned how to use the computer and could play games made for children twice his age, but he couldn’t "read" people’s expressions or emotions. He could tell us all that we wanted to know about a story—even who wrote and illustrated it—but he couldn’t tell us why a character felt the way he did.

Feeling like a bad mom

So we put Tate in preschool to get him involved with other kids. He just did his own thing. He never talked about other kids, but he could tell me the number of stairs that he climbed to get to the gym, and the colors of each piece of a puzzle. He didn’t talk about his experiences because he didn’t know how. He started pushing kids and becoming very upset if his milk spilled. I started dreading preschool days. I called it "going to get the ‘pushing report.’" I felt like a bad mom. Teachers made me feel as if I had a bad kid with a behavior problem. But I knew that Tate was not mean—he just didn’t seem to know what to do with kids.

My son has Asperger's disorder

The disparities of Tate’s learning finally got out of hand when he turned 3. He taught himself how to read while we were trying to toilet-train him. I went online and looked up "autism." It didn’t seem to fit. I kept searching. I found a site about Asperger’s Disorder. As I read it, every hair on my body stood up, and I felt sick to my stomach. "Oh my God—he has Asperger’s," I thought to myself. It made so much sense. I called a family friend, who was one of the founders of Fraser’s autism program. She came over and confirmed my fears. Tate had Asperger’s. So now what? Our world was spinning again.

Fraser provides relief

Lyle directed us to Fraser Child & Family Center (FCFC). I spent the next three weeks on the phone literally eight hours a day. I talked to Rachel, who was a godsend. Her manner was calm and compassionate. She knew what we were dealing with and had ways to help. FCFC had room in one of its day-treatment classes. After a ridiculous runaround with insurance (a whole different story), we were in. I felt a huge relief.

Personality first; diagnosis second

I tell people all the time that Fraser has changed our lives—for the better. The people have been amazing. The care and understanding is unbelievable. I finally felt as if people knew Tate and saw that he was a wonderful kid with many talents and a great personality, who happens to have Asperger’s. Also, I felt that I had people to talk to. They didn’t make me feel like a bad mom—they let me know that what was happening was normal with Asperger’s.

Tate enrolled in day-treatment at Fraser

Tate began the day-treatment program. The staff was incredible. Tate began to learn techniques and tools to cope with his condition. By the end of the summer, the boy who had never spontaneously been able to tell me that he loved me said, "Mommy, I love you so, so much!" without any prompting. It still brings tears to my eyes.

We began working with Pat in the autism day treatment program, who is such a wonderful, gifted, patient person. She gives so much to so many kids and families. She tested Tate, showing us the disparities that would be a huge challenge for us and him. He was off the charts in both directions, depending on the task. Pat worked with us through play therapy and provided us with other techniques and tools to help us cope with Asperger’s. She, along with many other staff members, has made us better parents as well.

Speech circle helped Tate talk about feelings

Tate has been in "speech circle" for a year and a half now. Dana, his speech therapist, has been another positive light in our lives. Her knowledge and passion and care are unending. She has continued to challenge and work with Tate to get him to be more social and less rigid. She knows him so well that she can tailor her therapy to his needs. It is truly amazing. She has helped Tate to talk about his feelings and tell us about his day. She is bringing out beautiful things in him.

Teaching us to see the world in a different way

Tate is my hero. He is so resilient. He has worked so hard to get to where he is now. He has already faced adversity and has come out smiling. He wants to learn to be a better friend and to communicate more effectively. Already in his short life, he has had to work very hard at things that come so easily to most kids. He is a gift to us. Every day he teaches us things about seeing the world in a different way and appreciating unique points of view. And every day Fraser gives us the help that we need, so that we can focus more on just loving Tate.