Finding His Place in the World

We knew from the day that Max was born that something wasn’t right.  He cried day and night, and we could not comfort him or figure out why he was so upset all of the time.  When we found something to comfort him, it wouldn’t work the next time.  His brother and sister couldn’t wait for the arrival of their new baby brother and to hold and play with him.  But because he was so fussy all of the time, that didn’t happen — only Mom and Dad could hold him.  He had constant ear infections and reflux disease, and we were always in the pediatrician’s office. 

Receiving a diagnosis of autism

On one of these visits to the pediatrician, when Max was 2 1/2 , we were referred to Fraser for an evaluation.  Max was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and PDD-NOS — “pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified.”  PDD-NOS is an autism spectrum disorder that significantly affects a child’s play, coping, communication, and social skills.  This was true for Max.  At age 2, he had no verbal skills and was able to show pleasure and displeasure only by screaming.  He would become very anxious about people giving him attention by looking at him or coming too close to him.  Since he didn’t have the appropriate language skills, he would say, “Hate you” and “Shut up.”  Max also had a tendency to be aggressive and needed to have control over us and his brother and sister. 

At that point, our lives were pretty out of control.  We enrolled Max at Fraser Child & Family Center for two days a week in the Exceptional Children with Communication and Interactive Disorders (ECCID) day-treatment program for toddlers.  The 40-mile drive from our home was made unbearable by Max’s constant screaming.  By the time we got there, Max would have taken all of his clothes off and taken apart the inside of our vehicle.  As his mother, I would be in tears and feeling completely overwhelmed.  When we got to Fraser, the staff would have to meet us in the parking lot to help get Max safely inside. 

Seeing improvements

He had such significant transition difficulties that it took us three months to get him into the building easily.  Once inside, I would have to stay in the room with him.  We started slowly, with me leaving the room for one minute at a time.  We inched the time up slowly until, eventually, I could sit in the waiting area with the other parents.  For us, this was a huge step!  Although it was extremely hard, we knew right away that Fraser was making a difference.  We could tell that something was changing.  Max didn’t seem so confused inside. 

Max had many attachments to unusual objects and activities, such as making copies of his hands on the copy machine, the color brown, and an empty hamster cage.  Staff members were creative in working these items into his daily therapy.  They learned what motivated him and would use those activities to get him to work on other areas. 

After a year, Max was able to ride the bus to Fraser.  By this time, he was at Fraser five days a week and we were seeing major progress.  The consistent schedule was good for him.  He was less aggressive and less frustrated.  He learned better how to calm his body and to sit, listen and learn.  Max learned how to use words to tell us what he wanted or what was wrong, and he was making friends appropriately.  He learned how to be part of the group and to do what the group was doing.  He even became the classroom helper, helping to prepare snacks or set up for activities.  Eventually, Max became Fraser’s greeter.  He would stand by the door and direct other children into their classrooms.  We can’t help but laugh about those terrible days that we spent trying to get him into the building.

Able to attend kindergarten

Max, now 6, has graduated from the day-treatment program and attends kindergarten.  Through Fraser, we arranged for a personal care assistant (PCA) to come to our home to work with him on skills such as eating, bathing, picking up, and being safe.  Max’s PCA also gets him together with his friends and helps him in social situations. 

Fraser is everything to us.  From the minute we get up to when we go to bed, there’s always something that stems from Fraser.  Without Fraser, our family might not be together.  Max would not be where he is as a child, and we wouldn’t be where we are as parents.  Thinking back, it’s almost unbelievable that we’ve come so far.  Our life before Fraser was governed by Max’s moods and needs on any given day.  Now, our whole family is able to take part in life together! 

Max has developed a great personality and is quite charming, though still challenging.  He has been invited to birthday parties and has had his own sleepovers.  Recently we attended a family wedding, and Max danced all night!  Our dream for Max is that he’ll be able to take care of himself, that he’ll be content, and that he will develop strong self-esteem.  Like all parents, we want our son to find his place in this world.